Honey Circuit

http://thedarkknight.warnerbros.com/

From what I can tell, Albert Hofmann died today. He was 102 years old.
Thats a good run.

So, I figured it was about time to write something up about whats been happening...
I know I need to change the name of this livejournal, but they charge, and nyc has been kickin my butt enough for me not to even have that $ yet..
so I moved, and it has been rough here in the city. I was all about to leave, and had my last bag packed, when Zoe contacted me and asked if I would come in, to work..at the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors. So, a very miserable and frightening 3 months turned into great fortune, and I love love love coming here to work everyday.
I have a band as well, with violin, drums, two guitars, sounds like a very sensual pj harvey, we have yet to have our first rehearsal on the 20th of this month.

so finally, I can come out of hiding...

cosm.org

Hey all,

not sure how many of you have been following my interesting progress with things..but,

I sang with Incus in NYC, for a halloween gig, and a wonderful man from Freek factory, (you may recognize that name from the wildest, greatest, parties NYC has ever seen, and connections to others like Bassnectar, etc, etc.) came up and offered me some absolutely amazing vocal opps in NYC. It has snow balled since then, and I am moving January 1st.

We will still be working under the name Honey Circuit. Look out for updates on music, live performance. We'll be seeing you at Cosm.

big love

kara

Where were the words I knew as a child. The words that would come to calm me late at night as my body felt its hips growing, as the sweetest changes happened as I was busy dreaming of something else, and I awoke in the morning a woman.
the words my heart beat through my veins and out through my hands.
He came to pollinate, and the words changed. The rivers flowed backwards. The mystery of the ocean forgotten.
I walked into his forest alone. , and remembered what it could be to be of the earth. A story that was told through our bodies, a story told through our noises, the sounds of the jungle.
For a while I forgot the mysteries of the ocean. We spoke the language of the bearing of fruit. We walked the lines of vines, and then broke the skin of the fruit.

One day, I found myself walking the line of the between the ocean and the sand.
Im not sure how it happened.
And I saw him down the shore, as he speared a small fish.
and I remembered the ocean.
and I felt it from my eyes.
and I turned and dove in..he didn't see me. Leaving him alone on the shore with the tiny flipping body in his hands.
My body sunk beneath the waves, and then I knew depth.
My body surrounded by fluid, and then I knew being held.
The slow passing of creatures, and then I knew love
and down to the bottom in the pitch stillness,
and I knew death.

We walk to a quiet area, just outside of the temple. Two women sit before me. One of them has a giant spiralling snake in her gut, with many colors spilling off, the other has the legs of a mountain lion. I tell the snake woman what I see. She tells me that she is going to do a strong hallucinogenic later that night. I tell the mountain lion woman that she is a leader. she smiles and nods. A man comes and sits down. he pulls the fear card. we stare at eachother fearlessly. suddenly a crowd of people screaming, running past us. They are running from a very tall dust cloud, speeding toward us. he quickly positions himself to take the hit, sitting behind me and sheltering me as much as he can. I hear singing and chanting in the temple, and everything disappears into white yellow grey. we sit crossed legged for about an hour, and decide to crawl inside the temple. we follow the sound of singing and chanting. Inisde I can see a bit more, not much. I sit on a bench. 1/2 hour later, the temple artist calmly moves me from the bench, just as one of the huge lanterns becomes loose in the gusts of wind, and crashes down, breaking the bench I was seated on. Later I see a huge jellyfish speeding in circles, I hear laughter. circles are getting tighter and tighter until CRASH! jellyfish everywhere. I look down, symbols on every inch of desert that passes below my feet, until I am walking on the back of a huge snake...a grand piano catapulted in deep playa, I hear it was a great sound. Im back from the burn. and I think looking at it from home, its seen more clearly for what it was, and what it did to me.

hour follows hour
like water follows water
everything is governed by the rule
of one thing leads to another
you can't really place blame
cuz blame is much too messy
some was bound to get on you
while you were trying to put it on me
and don't fool yourself
into thinking things are simple
nobody's lying still the stories don't line up
why do you try to hold on
to what you'll never get a hold on
you wouldn't try to put the ocean
in a paper cup
cuz i have had something to prove
as long as i know there's something
that needs improvement
and you know that every time i move
i make a woman's movement
and first you decide
what you've gotta do
then you go out and do it
and maybe the most we can do
is just to see each other through it
hour follows hour like water in a river
and from one to the next
we don't know what each hour will deliver
we just call it like we see it
call it out loud as we can
and then afterwards we call it all water over the dam
maybe the moral higher ground
ain't as high as it seems
maybe we are both good people
done some bad things
i just hope it was okay
i know it wasn't perfect
i hope in the end we can laugh
and say it was all worth it
cuz i have had something to prove
as long as i know something
that needs improvement
and you know that everytime i move
i make a woman's movement
and first you decide what you've gotta do
then you go out and do it
and maybe the most that we can do
is just to see each other through it
we make our own gravity to give weight to things
then things fall and they break and gravity sings
we can only hold so much is what i figure
try and keep our eye on the big picture
picture keeps getting bigger
and too much is how i love you
but too well is how i know you
and i've got nothing to prove this time
just something to show you
i guess i just wanted you to see
that it was all worth it to me

My release:
Strangeness. I feel no need to sugar coat what I experienced in all of this. After a modest attempt (by writing an agenda on very flexible possibilities for the band’s future) to gracefully work things through (I felt our issues were trivial and manageable), the four remaining members decided to have troy inform me that they didn’t want me to continue in the full band. It felt uncomfortable and a bit cold, because I was not involved in the decision making in any way. I knew that we were all very tired, and that something was needing to change, but the decision felt laced with spite, fear and exhaustion. I’m not here to blame any one, I just wanted to express my sadness around not being heard while things were in the works. Vess and Val later contacted me with wishes to continue with the girls act, and though I felt weird about how things went down, I agreed. I do enjoy singing to the music, and that’s what really made the difference. I still feel that it was rash, and that there would have been wiser ways to approach this, and possibly “phase me out” over time. I felt I gave the utmost of flexibility in the options I outlined in the agenda I wrote up. My agenda was not considered. I guess that any of my suggestions were not what they had as a vision for the next incarnation of the band. I wish I was more involved in what was to happen, though, and I felt things could have been executed in a more compassionate manner. I feel a lot better about things now, because I realize that the situation must have been negative for me. I know I was no saint while in the band, but I expected a meeting where everyone looked me in the eye, and allowed me to express what I felt and thought. I would have never quit.
K’sara.
Kara

So. I started talking with this 74 year old man from italy at the bus stop every morning. He has become a good friend of mine. He tells me about real italian food, none of this american frozen food business. He tells me about the floating markets in italy and about that his mother used to make bread every morning. He tells me about the winery, and the smell of crushed grapes. Today, he brought me real bread (he says) none of this processed crap. I have to admit it did taste unbelievable! Like someone really cared when they made it, with their own hands. He says, dont bring me anything in return! you good friend! he yells. good friend with good heart deserves good food! I think I will go to the market in the north end with him one of these weekends.

To celebrate your ramble through the most wildly independent phase of your astrological cycle, I'm offering you three inspirational quotes. The first is from poet e.e. cummings: "To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle that any human being can fight." Your second shot of motivation is from Clarissa Pinkola Estes: "If you have ever been called defiant, incorrigible, forward, cunning, insurgent, unruly, or rebellious, you're on the right track. If you have never been called these things, there is yet time." Lastly, here's a Hindu proverb: "There is nothing noble in being superior to some other person. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self."

there's more then this
there's something in the breath
that is also in the wind
imaginary friends
the numbers tell me to do it, the sensual life
there's an old woman who plays the wind
with her hand
and she sings the weather, I've seen her on this night
I see two men talking in the street, I can feel their mouths on me as I slide between them
I can feel the breeze through my wings, Im in love with the world no matter what it brings,
I hear the buzzing of the bees in my dreams, blinded
in blissful memory I pass through this world, feet never touching the earth, my spirit belongs in the slow tide of ecstatic reverance, I have never felt your touch, I have never known you, can't you understand? what I've been?

out the window. birds are clinging to the very ends of the tree branches.
tiny feathers pulled of and away by the wind
I stretch my neck
like I am about to feed, a tiny bird about to feed
I feel my body, a tightened fleshy balloon computer that I move with intiricacies in mind.
my precious body, I have never meant to harm you, please forgive me for all of the long late night walks, when I know you have been sore and tired.
my heart has hurt you. my heart has needed to be you, to be an extenstion, a puppet of the heart, that is wht you have been; body.

Soo.
During the first gig in england, our tour manager's mother had a heart attack and died.
What a way to start this thing.
Weve been traveling with Brother big bad, Ebony Tay and Transport, Austrailian band.
So far we have been having an absolutely crazy and intense time, attempting to manage everything ourselves, or vess has been at her best..
aside from the lack of sleep, sometimes lack of food, stomach issues, gettin hay fever, weve been doing our best to keep spirits up, though drinking gallons of beer has assisted.
we went to stonehenge!
one of the places aside from angkor wat, that has taken my breath away. I saw a light blue energy around the stones, and then some sort of electricity, lightning?
who knows..
really intense place though.
So, we had to have one of the Autrailians take over driving one of the vehicles, cant say theyre bad at it, so much speeding and swerving. I think we're all a little delerious at this point.
We stayed at a really wonderful biker club last night, underground veterans joint. these guys have been through hell. really hospitable to us though, the best meal weve had so far! we splept in bunkers, not too bad cause laster this weekend we are camping out..
We're off to scotland! Ive never been there before, we'll see.
The other night we had abit of trouble at one of the bars, a guy didnt like americans? too much, so a couple of the Aussie guys from the other band come out and gave him a word or two, he shut the hell up. hey! we're not responsible for the image of our entire country! good ole' Aussies! the other night, kier from transport dumped a glass of beer over his head and threw the mic stand in to the crowd. now thats love!
Ive had a lot of time to process some really old demons on this trip. Difficulty will do that.
We'll make it

In my dreams, you are more then a man.
but then I see, and you are just a man.
why are we not allowed to dream?
why do we label our imagination? maybe, if we learned how to believe again,
magic could happen in our lives once again.

On a bus that seems as though it is from the 1920's. rickety, strange and musty and dark on board. I see my friend laughing dog. he tells me to go to the backseats. I follow his instructions, and as I am standing on the floor, an African Chief appears in front of me. I drop to his feet to honor him. In return he tells me that the things my hands and arms do, and the words that I write, draws energy up my arms and into my spine. That has been the reason why I have been feeling pain. Then, he brought my body, to the place in the ayuaska journey of purging, and I ran to the front of the vehicle to go outside. Jack is there. hes in the same situation, so we decide to go outside together. When we get outside, we are in the woods. before we can purge, a half ape, half human jumps from the forest , at us. I see that the head of the creature is of Jesus. He is foaming at the mouth and telling us to follow him, that he is the way, that he knows all. I grab him by the throat tightly and threaten to kill him. he runs back into the forest. Jack grabs my hand and we run back to the bus. Back on the bus, it is full of very young boys. There is one boy, albino, grey blue eyes. He is wearing my teeth around his neck. I cannot speak until I kiss him. I am trying to figure out why the young boys are dying. I see laughing dog again, he is surrounded by Geishas. He tells me I have to wash the bones of the dead. and then I will know why they are being killed.
then I woke up.

I wasn't sure if I was going to post this, but it was so disturbing, I feel like I have to. Last night, I dreamt that I had made a deal with this very large woman, to do a performance with her. This woman had done this type of performance before, and chose me for her next, because she said I had a light.
How do I say this? If you have a weak stomach, do NOT read on. The night of the show, we cut her stomach open (in a cross pattern) and I crawled inside. It was really difficult to get my legs in, and I decided not to put my entire head in. The smell of blood was very strong, and I could feel her muscles tighten around me. There were people timing it, to see how long I could stay in. I started to suffocate, and they pulled me out. Every detail was so incredibly real. Covered in blood, I walked to the showers. The crowd was cheering.
I noticed an african boy was following me to the showers. He was very upset. He spit on me and told me I had been disrespectful. I fought with this boy for a while until I gave up and got into the shower.
what happened to me?
I haven't been able to shake this feeling today.

The ants have come. More ants then I have seen in a long time. After I had gotten over my fear of insects in mexico, I have had more insect life visit me then ever.
How strange. my dream last night. it seems as though a bunch of alien esque bug creatures have been visiting me during meditation and dreamtime. last night, I dreamt that I was on a boat in north korea. someone in my family had been killed. a small spider creature had crawled onto me and had information to tell me about my sister, that had been killed. the police came and tried to take it from me..I was deeply emotionally connected to this little spider creature...I truly loved it..then, I was walking alone in a corn field, toward the sunset. I saw the big dipper, but it was a wine glass. my sister had still been killed, we were still in north korea.
the last part of the dream, I had made it home, and we were on my parents front lawn. cris and I noticed a hawk in the sky, and we were amazed when it landed right in front of us. it started to dig at the yard, by the roadside, we got very close to it. it dug up some letters. the wind blew them into our hands, as the hawk watched us. I remember reading the letters, they ended with "listen to the eagles, la la la"
???
so much to process from that dream. it was real dreamtime reality.

black eyed boy, held me in the back of the club, spitting stars, told me to never stop, black eyed boy, told me the lessons were good. ..
So. We toured. again. We keep doing that.. We played in Athens with Red Dahlia, it was incredibly nice to hear her voice again, so powerful that woman... and thank you to the crowd that came to see us! Cinncinati was wonderful as ever, a large crowd came out to see us there too. I felt my old self coming back to me, the old performer, dusted off and standing again. Thank you to the Bluf boys for taking us in again, its always nice to see your faces..I think the largest crowd was in Chicago, and what a welcome wagon. Bong invited us to the old ghettobillie's house, for a huge home cooked meal. We came in from the cold to find a crowd of smiling faces, warm food and wine. PLus, Jack came to our show with his father! Vessela stayed in Chicago, to teach at a clinic. Troy, J, val and I decided to drive back after our set in Chicago, 1am! it took us about 16 hours to get to Boston, and Im back at work today.

I loved the way I didn't care..in a love that doesn't care, doesn't care to know what it feels
I misplaced the feeling of love somewhere
life felt long, the emotional stretching device, put on the shelf
I didn't care to know, so I didn't know
caring was a spun wheel, sickening cyclical stunted sputtering empty words staining the pure white of my hopeful heart
back to crying about nothing again, reality as thin as writing paper, a boring idea of non belief, all of the experiments of experience thrown into cold soup,force feeing myself the memories to feel my old self near again, trying to grasp the idea of being involved in what is "now" , did something happen? did it ever happen? as detached and lonely from myself as a handprint on my photograph.

at first you were the ocean, eyes distant deep open vast

gave birth to a bouncing baby blood
you painted your lips
you waited for another splitting trip
spinning your wheels on tipping velvet
these tired hips

passion tore at my heart strings tearing them loose
volcano up my throat release into sound of voice dont care what it is that comes out
necessity
then set me isolated, adrift, alienated in an ocean of notes

if these words could drown you
Id build this up around you
youd fall like a whisper